From the drafts

from the drafts: 

da,
its 12.15 noon and its very hot out side, i'm seating in class , and its lecture of AE-I, and as regular no sir available to take class......
i m seating on my regular seat-2nd bench right corner.....we frnds having chatting, is more like insulting each other.....
but i m not in it, can get interested in it....
all i can think about is U... only U
i m remembering d day when we was in the lift, u me and others and how they were teasing us.. i wish all their teasing come true..
i m remembering d day when i was with u and u r doing maths and i was playing with card,  and u r crushing that pencil tip in ur lips when u got confused i wish someday my lips become that pencil tip
and i m remembering those all day we passed together

and heck i hv to go sir entered in class, i dont want to lose cell again otherwise we cant chat tonight

(back...back...back & msg saved in drafts)

InvOluNtAry LOvE

“Krishna! Krishna! Krishna!”
That’s what my mind keeps chanting, what my heart keeps shouting.

My eyes are closed. I’m sitting somewhere—don’t know where. Memories rush past like waves: our first meeting, the second, and the third—when I foolishly proposed. She said no, of course. How could a girl say yes in just three meetings with a stranger?

Still, I waited—not for her reply, but for another chance to see her. Months later, we met again. She had forgotten the proposal, or maybe she took it as a child’s play. She liked me from the beginning, and I used that liking to turn into love. We never said it out loud, but yes—we rose in love. Remembering all this, I laugh quietly to myself.

Then, from my right, a sweet voice calls my name:
“Sagar!”

I open my eyes. Krishna sits beside me, holding my hand, her head resting on my shoulder, her puzzled eyes full of love, asking silently: Do you love me? I want to say Yes, my baby! but remain quiet.

She repeats, “Sagar!”—this time with a childish hint of anger. I gaze at her, stunned. She looks more beautiful than ever. Around us, I realize, is a seashore. The sun is half-set, painting the ocean gold and orange. Waves touch our feet before retreating. I wonder how we got here.

Again, “Sagar!”—sweet, but with a drop of impatience. I smile. How can she look so cute and dangerous at the same time? She reads my thoughts through my eyes and smiles back. Her anger melts away like waves returning to the sea.

She tilts her head, watching me. I ask, “What happened, Krishna?”
“Nothing.” Her smile brightens like the setting sun.

She runs her fingers through my hair—her favorite habit, one I never resist. She stares at the ocean, following the tides. I stare at her, wondering how someone could look this beautiful every single time.

“Krishna?” I ask.
“Hmmm?” she answers, eyes still on the horizon.
“Where are we?”
“Not we—you.”
“What?”
“Yes. You are here, but I always stay here.”
“Here? Where?”
“Ohhh, too many questions. Isn’t it enough that I’m with you? No matter where?”

And she’s right. With her hand in mine, nothing else matters.

Suddenly she asks, “Do you love me?”
“Don’t you know?”
“No. Say it.” Her cuteness leaves me defenseless.
“Well… actually not really—”
“Okay, bye then!” She pretends to leave.

I pull her back. “Of course I do. I’ve loved you since our first meeting. I loved you even more when you said no. I love you more than anyone could love anyone.”

She smiles, “I knew it. But I love you more than you can love me.” We both laugh, her eyes sparkling brighter than the ocean.

She whispers, “Sagar, I love you.”
“I love you too.”

She stands and pulls me up. We walk along the shore, hand in hand, her head resting on my shoulder. She hums a song I don’t recognize—I’m too lost in thoughts. Just yesterday, we had the worst fight, the kind that breaks things apart. We even decided to never see each other again. I unfriended her on Facebook like a fool. Knowing her, once she decides something, no one can change her mind. So how is she here with me now?

“Krishna, do you remember what happened yesterday?”
“Mmmm… nah,” she answers innocently.
“Seriously, we fought. We broke up.”
“Broke up?” She laughs. “You really think I’d be walking with you now if that were true?”
I sigh. “But I swear it happened.”
“Then it must have been a nightmare,” she says, smiling.

And so I tell her the nightmare…

---

The Nightmare

I messaged you: At park, 6 pm. Love you.
You replied: Be sharp. Okay, my baby.

I arrived late—6:45. You weren’t there. I called, but your phone was out of coverage. Just as I was about to leave, you entered. I rushed to you, scolding:
“How can you be so irresponsible? I’ve been waiting an hour! Where’s your phone?”

You cut me off. “When did you come?”
“6:05,” I lied.
“Really?” Your eyes sharpened.
“Yes… you told me to be sharp at 6.”

“Then you must know what happened here half an hour ago?” you asked.
“No…”
“A child fell from the swing, bleeding. I took her to the doctor, called her parents, and stayed with her. In the process, I lost my phone.”

I froze. “Sorry…”
You snapped, “No, I’m sorry—for coming on time, for helping that girl, for losing my phone. And sorry for your anger without reason.” A tear welled in your eyes.
“Krishna, I was teasing—”
“But you shouted without asking. And you lied.”

You pushed me away. “Enough. We’re over. Don’t call me again.”

I begged, but you walked away, mounted your scooty, and vanished.

---

Back on the shore, I finish telling her. We’ve walked into waist-deep water.
“So I broke up just because you lied?” she asks.
“Yes.”
“I’m not that stupid, am I?”
I laugh. “How can I know?”
“And you—idiot—how could you let me go?”
“What could I do? It was my fault. You would never stop if I tried.”

She looks at me seriously. “So if I say bye, you’ll just let me go?”
“Krishna, no! Of course not. It was just a nightmare.”

She smiles faintly, steps deeper into the sea, then turns to me.
“Sagar, whatever happens, whatever I say—never let me go.”
And she dives under.

“Krishna!” I shout, jumping after her—

---

And wake up.
On my bed. Her photo on my chest. The clock says 5 a.m.

It wasn’t a nightmare. It really happened.
Her voice still echoes in my head: Never let me go.

I jump out of bed and rush to her place.

first day college excursion....... and shabby heart, beat first time

            After a powerful nap, I woke up and check time on mobile, its show 5:36 pm. It somewhat two hours that I was sleeping. I set alarm of 5:45 because it is very satisfactory to have a sweet little nap after you woke up……..and alarm rang on time I snooze it for more 10 minute because u know sweet nap funda,,,

            Finally, somehow I manage to wake up at 6:16, sit on my bed and realize that I just had done with my four years of engineering. And today was last day at college where we had submission of final year project, with remembering how I passed my day in college, last minute correction in presentation of project, fumbling during presentation, unanswered question by me to external faculty…. But over all its was good (at least I think so)

Simultaneously I check miscall on mobile, and as regular it was company’s call (who else can call me!) and same in massage, f**king promotional schemes; then put cell on charging coz my phone most of crying for charging for like 16 hours in day.

            I got up from my bed and kick my roomy and ask him to go for a tea, by hearing name of Tea all my roommates woke up automatically, coz who deny a tea for free, specially sponsor have a account at tea stall. In next 10 minutes we were at Pa-G”s tea stall, name is given by us coz stall is running by a sardar. Moreover, I order tea for all but in upside down cups and we all gone in crazy laughter

            After 5-7 mins, we got our cups, first sip good, second sip awesome, and third sip— hmmmm! What? It was Fz my roomy from EC started a topic as he always has something to say and many thing to argue…. So

He said: “so, here I am taking tea together with you all last time, because I m leaving for Home tonight”

I followed him: “yea, finally there will some relax time for us as u leave”

And 4^th sip In, he give me wired look which clearly means how he was serious….you know some time you just look at your best friend and he understand exactly what you mean

I was quite than; but he gave us topic to talk there, and Dham speak as he raise his cup in air like he has some precious thing and showing us  “yap, bro its last cup of tea”, Dham- also a Genius engineer from same branch as Fz,

Now it’s time for an ITian of our room to spoke, Rv: “why last cup? we can also have a one more round; after all Sagar have account here!” he always have a option but it”s never make any sense…..and I nobbed although I want to say No, And then “J” one more from EC just shake his head, coz he always prefer to say nothing and that time concentrate on Tea.

Here I just ended half-cup coz it’s too hot and I prefer little cold tea, while all stared their second round, with first sip of second round J says “don’t know how we passed all four year here!” I want to correct him fu*king four year, but I did not.

 RV followed him: “yap, it’s seem like just a yesterday’s thing that I got admission here and…,”

Nevertheless, Fz cut him: “hmmmm, I still remember my first day in college! Do you?”

Dham: “lol, I didn’t present in 1^st day of college!”

I: “but someday was your first day in college, Fz talking about our 1^st day, not of college, stupid!”

Dham (with wired look at me): “ok, you Einstein, I remember. I think all of us remember that! “

We all nobbed. Moreover, J: “let’s share it, because we all don’t know each other on starting of college “

I thought “wow! How can J say something brilliant?”

I think he has a point, as we stand in round, its fz’s first turn to spoke and I was last. Fz started his “1^st day in engg college story”, but I was not hearing him because I started thinking about mine.

I clearly remember date 4-aug-2008, very second day of friendship day, I was in college where I suppose to study engineering for next four year, from the morning when I leave hostel for college I was excited for very first day in college, I dressed well, pack my bag- pen, a book and a hanky too.

At college I found that all new comer were suppose to go in a big hall beside the library, I was like “now where the fuck library is?” and I answered myself:” lolls, library is beside of that big hall”. After minutes of hunting finally I was in meeting place, “fuck, I am late” and without permission I entered in, and sit near some random guy, than I realize some old man, named himself as a Trustee of college, addressing all new comers and describing their vision for future, for students….

I was really not in to that, and I raised my head and look around, for find any known face from hundreds of new student but I hardly got any, and that guy next to me look at me, disturb my hunting  and said: “hi, hmmm which branch?”

I think “all he is interested in branch, he not even asked my name” still I prefer to say: “hi, I am Sagar, mechanical”. And he just smiled, I cannot understand at what he smiled, as just casual! Or on my name! Alternatively, may for my branch! Moreover, I did not ask him anything not his name not even his branch.

After Vision of Future, some very well dress tall person address him as a faculty of mechanical give instructions for mechanical student where to go for classes after meeting. But I hardly understand a single word from him And student leave hall as per instruction. so as I, standing outside the door I was trying to remember what instruction was there  for mechanical guys, and turning here there I read “library” at my right side, “so this is library which is beside of the fucking hall” and I laughed under the teeth.

Walk to the library door and look inside, before I can make my eye to look in, my ears hear a Voice just behind me, the voice as sweet as I never heard. I don’t know but my ears dragged automatically to on that voice, and before my mind can understand what’s happening I turned my head around and start finding – form where that voice is coming, who is owner of that sweet voice.

Just at my left, I found a girl walking, and she was on the phone and I found owner of that Never heard that sweet voice. don’t know why but my leg automatically start follow her and my ears all on her voice, after some mille-second of hanged nervous system, finally I get my sense and understand why I am following her-coz she was so hearable for me…

She was going down-stairs and I followed her same, meanwhile I checked her (its man’s by default program to check a girl from head to toe if she is somewhat attractive in any sense). She wore full sleeve blue kurta, with silver color flower design all over and same silver colored chunni , with same blue color plain pajama, having note in right hand and pen was inside the note, wearing a simple white color sandal. Hair is straight at starting and curly at end and long enough up to her waist, she tighten her hair in pony tail which gives tremendous look for her from back. Her walking style is so perfect that it is easy to see her moving body part.

And still I was dragged behind her like a car dragger behind a towing after accident tighten by ropes, but in my case there was no any rope it was her Voice that make me follow her, I am not concern to what she was speaking, because whatever she spoke on phone  is sweet for me..In physics I learned “for every system there is a master pitch of sound to activate it” for Me, it is her Voice to activate my system, system that following her and without understanding her words just want to hear whatever she speak, she was still on her call. From her voice, her hair, walking and profile I start wondering her, her face and she from front, whatever I thought is as sweet as her voice, “shit! I want to hear her all day and night”, but for a moment I want to see her face.

And within a minute we reached at administration office from library door. (Yes, in just a minute I start using ‘WE ‘instead of ‘HER and me’). She cut her call and get in admin, I prefer to wait outside. I stand just oppose to admin door that I can see her as she come. I waited 5 min, than more 5 min, I was waiting for her , to come out from administration . . . Once I thought to go in admin , but what if she was just about to come out than we stuck at door and under my nose I can’t see her properly so 'bad idea’. It is all fun to wait for some one. Specially to just see her and more than that for very ‘first time’. Just in plenty of minutes. . She was at door

As I show her, my heart definitely skips some bits and I stared her as if I never saw a girl in my life, but ‘yes, I never see a girl like her so sweet and cute and beautiful and watchable she is’. I was staring her with all my eyes open, ‘she is more sweet and cute than I wonder’. Her eyes is much beautiful than her voice, it is brown and wide. She has flawless skin, her nose is cuter part and I would like to touch it and ask ‘is it for real? ‘she has even more sexy figure than what I noticed when I followed her, I don’t know if she knows this or not ‘but guys, see her first time either go in to coma for some minutes or fall in to love with her’ and I am on both things.

She was just three meter far than me, all I want to be just touching her or may be to kiss her chicks, hmmmm! May be hug her, I really do not know and she was there. On every blink of her eyes, I have a sweet little heart attack, it is kind of sweet pain but still I want to stare her just her and her.

In some plenty of seconds, she noticed Me, ME-with wired long hair, full frame metal specs, blue denim jeans shoulder bag and all this freak features guy look at her rather Stare at her like never see any Girl.

I can clearly read her facial expression while see came to know that I as staring her, First she got confused, in just seconds secondly she got Shy that all I can read on her face is Angriness and questions, Question-“why are you staring me like this?”, or “have not you see any girl before?”, or may be the famous one “Tumhare ghar me maa-bahan nahi hai kya?”, and then all she get mixed of all those mood.. I was laughing under my teeth while seeing her expression

And suddenly she took her cell out and start walking out of the college, I was there, get confused what to do, call her or follow her, I – I   I don’t know, and I just froze there seeing her left me behind. It’s not like that I don’t want to talk to her or want to know more about her but I can’t move my feet, not even an inch not even an millimeter.

And she left college, go out, I was there wondering what I had just done, why I don’t go to her and talk to her remembering her , her face , that eyes and her all mixed confusion expression on face…..

And suddenly someone disturbed me, I was ‘who the fuck are you?’ and see that face who sound my name, here is that Fokker Rv : “sagar, hey u stupid!... now it’s your turn to say your first day of engineering”

I stopped for a moment, realizing where was I, and what I m doing and i got come all back in present and I was asked to tell my story- First Day In Engg. College…..

            Take last sip of tea which get all cooled meanwhile and looking at all my roomies like I was about to start an Epic and clear my throat

“so my first day In college, like as regular days….

I clearly remember date 4-aug-2008, very second day of friendship day, I was in college where I suppose to study engineering for next four year, from the morning when I leave hostel for college I was excited for very first day in college, I dressed well, pack………..”

Write something...being SINGLE is alwys fun ,no worries,no misery , no pain...but wat if we 

have worries ,pain and misery.. wen we feel lik having sum 1 who give there shoulder 4 u 2 

cry.. sum 1 who luks at u & says "u luk beautiful tday" ... sum 1 to hold ur hands inside theirs 

& say " i am here wid u always"... sum 1 who hugs u tightly... & says miss u ... sum... 1 who 

brushes ur lips gently & says "i luv u ".... and that sum 1 is the 1 who luvs u a lot ... then y do 

people say being single is fun....? so even if u dont luv any one at least let sum 1 luv u ...u may 

not need that sum 1 but that sum 1 needs u ...so love and be loved ...................... ( yahi pyar 

hai)

You know what?

I won't do anything which our conscience and values don't allow.

I just can't.

For the simple reason that I love you.

I know my limits and i promise nothing will happen to make you 

feel uncomfortable,nothing you will regret later.

I promise... Just be with me in this moment. ♥ ♥ ♥

WILL THAT HAVE A ROSE ANY DAY?

Its just happens some hours ago. .

As its damn hot atmosphere where I live, I totally exhausted . 

Still i had to complete my studies and assignment work as i am

engineering student . . 

(i still wonder why i choose engineering as my career option- whatever !)

but as always that asshole didn’t at time

Finally, i get some place at which i can sit and wonder 'how arranged thing make people feel relaxed!’

feeling like home), and as the door opened She came out she walked to her area with a jar of water…she might be there to water her roses…

So, around 9 PM , I straight went to my friend's place to get copy of next assignment that i suppose to submit by tomorrow

I reached at his home at right time that i supposed to be

So by that time i had to wait for him in his totally messed room. .But fortunately his room has a attached balcony. . Therefore, i preferred to sit there, then in his room where i have to find place to put my ass...

His balcony is totally opposite than his room. . Decorated with kind of pots. . Having a wonder full chair to sit and relax..

That place have nice view around and just a street passing by it i can see all people running around, children playing street games ,men returning at home from whole working day . .

By that time i dont have any think in my mind and in this super hot summer i was feeling relaxed and chilled. . .

Now shit happens, which make my mind diverted to it and no more I am felling relaxed, a door opens of a balcony from a house, which is just at opposite side from my balcony

(Ya, by the time waiting for that asshole, at his balcony i start

I exactly remember number of pots that she having was 3..and 6 roses, last pot is seems smaller than other two and also didn’t have any rose ! But I don’t bothers about it…

What got my attention was SHE i can’t help myself from staring at her, she was kind of beautiful and eye catching face she have…Well dressed up, perfect fit of top and silky night suite that she wore. Her hair was seems too smooth and perfectly long up to her waist. I thought it being too long that I see any girl so perfect dressed, beautiful, flawless skinny, and her hair add x-factor to her beauty.

And she start work for what she is appear to me-watering to her roses… its being easy to say that she love her flower, the way she feed water with care and the way she touch rose ,I wonder why I can’t be that ROSE...

Now she is about to her last pot of rose –that tiny one without any roses, as she look at that her face lines turns off. I can see deep sorrow in her eyes and the way she touch that pot.. She might be asking why there is no any rose in that pot,

It’s not seems good to her , and her eyes have a tear drop in and before she realize that it rolls down to her white chick and she wipe it but she can’t help herself to not to cry, and put that water jar there she runs in to her room

I adjusted myself to see what she was doing in room, particularly i want to know

Why she was CRYING... ;(

Inside her room, she was on her bed I can see clearly her, she is managing her hair to not to fall on her face and fighting with self not to cry, wiping her tears... Although she was crying, she looks even cuter than before...but I sad for her and thought what matters make her cry, just by seeing no rose in last pot…

Evenyually she take a photo from under her pillow and she looks at it like she felt too helpless and tears from her eyes now impossible to stop though she was trying to stop it, suddenly she puts down that photo and go in deep in room and took a dust-bin. She opens her cupboard and took out one bag, I can’t understand what was she doing.

She put that bag upside down on her bed  and lots of cards papers and an small teddy bear fall on to bed. It was may be all things that she got as a gift from someone special to her.

After that what she did was totally unexpected for me. She took a match box, fire a stick and start burn the cards that she have on bed from that bag, and one by one she burn card letter and put in to dust bin. In moments all card and letters are in fire and burning in there in front on her, on her eye have no any tear by now, she look like she feeling free from pain, pain of a parting from someone, pain of break up, pain of not having that someone special in life any more or mainly Pain of LOVE.

Finally she took that only teddy bear in  her hand and she continuously looking at it, white colored, medium sized, having a rose in hand , and she just put that also in to that fire , fire of her memories. It looks like she burnt cards, letters, a teddy but all she was trying to burn is her memories, memories of her someone special, moments of her life that unforgettable but she still burning it.

Suddenly she leaves her room, that dustbin there with burning memories of her. I do not know where she gone than she comes back to her neither room nor come out from her house.

And I was there looking at that pot-tiny pot that not have a rose and a question comes again and again in my mind ‘WILL THAT HAVE A ROSE ANY DAY?’

it is very 1st time that i write in public..
damn, i will surly gone crazy in this
but i'll try to put all my efforts in my writings and put my view to all of you as good as i can
God plzz. Bless me :) ;P :)